The habit of believing we’re right

Dear friends,

There’s one lesson I have been trying to learn for over a decade. 

It’s something Thich Nhật Hanh said in response to a question I asked during a retreat in 2012.  

He said: 

“I would suggest that we stop thinking that we have done our part, only he has not done his part.”

This goes on in my head many times a day— whenever I think I am doing it right and “they” are not. Whenever someone does something I don’t agree with. And it makes me feel annoyed. And while feeling annoyed may seem like a small issue, being annoyed (and thinking we are right) is the start of all conflict and perhaps even wars. 

What would life be like if we let go of the habit of thinking we’re doing it right and they are not? 

We could, instead, think: I am doing my best and they are also doing their best, and maybe there is something we can learn about each other. 

It’s easiest to change our habits of thinking when we are well rested and in touch with our breathing. So our regular meditation and mindfulness practice can help with whatever habits we are trying to change. 

So we may try to notice if/when we have the thought that we are doing something right (driving, writing, parenting, etc.) and they are doing it wrong. And see if there is any way to soften those thoughts or at least prevent their escalation into anger. 

And let me know what you find out! 

Sending love on a rainy day in Washington DC.