Posts in Mindfulness
Beautiful Turmoil, Everyday Nirvana

Dear Friends,

This will be my last email newsletter until I return from my retreat at Plum Village, around Thanksgiving. I will carry you all with me and I promise to write about any insights I may have after I get back.

Today, I wanted to share something that happened to me while I was driving along Connecticut Avenue in DC in some really awful rush hour traffic. I started out my short drive (one that normally takes 15 minutes but ended up taking 35 minutes) listening to this talk by Nonviolent Communication (NVC) teacher Robert Gonzales. It’s a good talk about working with our longing and seeking.

A few minutes into the stop-and-go traffic, I decided that my drive would be easier if I listened to something more soothing to my nervous system, so I put on this Metta chant by Imee Ooi. I immediately felt better and could return to my body and my breathing.

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Staying grounded as the days get shorter

Dear Friends,

As the weather begins to turn slightly cooler and the days shorter, we naturally feel like turning more inward. During the time that the Buddha lived, he spent 45 years teaching - most of that time walking around India with his monastic community showing people how to find happiness and ease in the midst of our everyday suffering. But he also knew that it was important for his students to set aside time for self-reflection.

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Where do you take refuge during hard times?

Dear Friends,

As times continue to be challenging for all of us, I’ve been reflecting about what I rely on in the toughest moments – what or who do I truly know is there for me?

Last year, when I first heard about a very painful situation happening with one of my kids, I basically froze. And while I was frozen on my couch, almost afraid to think,  I realized that I still had one thing: this present moment as defined by the next in-breath.

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Ways we can really listen especially when we disagree

Dear Friends, 

I hope you are enjoying the summer days as much as I am. We have been reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s book Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet in our meditation community and recently read a section on deep listening - which can be challenging especially with our loved ones - written by the Plum Village monastic Sister True Dedication. 

She shares the value of listening to all points of view in society and in our personal lives, the practice of transforming our anger into compassion, and techniques for practicing deep listening.

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Did happiness come easier as a child?

Dear Friends,

As I sit at the lake and contemplate life (in addition to reading lots of novels — I’ve listed a few favorites below), I notice how much more I need to practice happiness now compared to when I was young.

I remember feeling good about so many things when I was a kid. My mom’s french toast (equal parts eggs and sour cream in the blender then soak the french bread and fry on the electric griddle), Saturday morning cartoons, the shapes of clouds, and so much more. Over time, it’s like our happiness receptors get dulled and we have to remember to be happy. Thich Nhat Hanh calls this the practice of generating joy.

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Making the natural world part of our practice

Dear Friends,

Welcome to summer! I hope you are able to enjoy some more ease during these longer days. This past week, I was part of a couple of small online and in person retreats. In one retreat I heard a metaphor that stuck with me that may be helpful to practice with.  Here goes…

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A cake for your practice

Dear Friends,

Welcome to summer! I hope you are able to enjoy some more ease during these longer days. This past week, I was part of a couple of small online and in person retreats. In one retreat I heard a metaphor that stuck with me that may be helpful to practice with.  Here goes…

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Napping on the grass

Dear friends,

I am just back from a restful and transformative week at Plum Village in France where I enjoyed a 4:45AM wake-up each morning (!), outdoor stick exercises, sitting meditation, listening to dharma talks, walking meditation in the plum orchard, chopping vegetables, carrying compost, and a daily nap on the grass.

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My upcoming trip to Plum Village

Dear Friends,

Today I am heading to Plum Village for a week of retreat. I have been going to Plum Village since 2003 (during a terrible heat wave in France), sometimes joined by kids, nephew, husband, or friends, and in recent years mostly by myself. In addition to mindfulness, the theme for next week’s retreat is vegan cooking! Because the rooms there are all full, I’ll be staying offsite at a guest house with a Dutch couple I met there last year. I’m excited to be returning to a place where I have experienced many happy and transformative moments.

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Practicing with depressive thinking: generating joy, moving our bodies and letting go

Dear Friends,

I shared with you back in January that I have been practicing with mild depression for several months, mostly (I believe) a result of the oral chemo medicine I take daily to control my leukemia. Although there are times when we need to embrace our darkness and find out where it is coming from, other times it's enough to shift our mind to release the mood.  

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Two things I learned from monastics last week

Dear Friends,

I’ve had quite a full two weeks, hosting 8 monastics from Plum Village plus three non-monastic friends and coordinating their evening of mindfulness and music in Baltimore. 

Two of the things I absorbed living and working with these deep practitioners were (1) Letting go of worrying about small things that went wrong and trusting that things will work out and (2) Deeply caring about each other while also being a sovereign, whole person. Not beholden to anyone or anything else. Free and complete just as we are.

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Comparison Mind, Quantum Physics, and Compassion

Dear Friends,

I have a new mantra that I have been using with my in-breath and out-breath:

Inhaling, I am awesome. Exhaling, I am not exceptional.

I started using this mantra because I noticed my inner voice sometimes says the opposite. I find myself toggling between I am not doing this right, I am not doing anything right, and I am the only one doing this right

So my new mantra reminds me that I am wonderful just as I am and I am just one of the many wonderful beings that share this planet with me.

The Three Complexes

Thich Nhat Hanh (Thay) teaches what he calls the three complexes: the superiority complex, the inferiority complex, and the equality complex. Some of us are more likely to live in the superiority complex thinking we are the only ones who get it. Some of us live in the inferiority complex, thinking we are simply not capable of being as wonderful as other people. 

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Grandmotherly Equanimity

When we are able to ride the ups and downs of life, it gives us the spaciousness to help others also ride the waves. I am not a surfer, but I know that if I were trying to learn to surf, I would benefit most from an instructor who has had enough practice to stay up on her board. 

In the same way, our regular mindfulness practice can help us serve the world because we won’t need to spend as much of  our attention focused on balancing on our own board. Equanimity allows us to trust the world and its inevitable waves and manifests as more energy to listen to someone else’s suffering and the ability to pause before reacting to other’s words and actions.

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The habit of believing we’re right

Dear friends,

There’s one lesson I have been trying to learn for over a decade. 

It’s something Thich Nhật Hanh said in response to a question I asked during a retreat in 2012.  

He said: 

I would suggest that we stop thinking that we have done our part, only he has not done his part.

This goes on in my head many times a day— whenever I think I am doing it right and “they” are not. Whenever someone does something I don’t agree with. And it makes me feel annoyed. And while feeling annoyed may seem like a small issue, being annoyed (and thinking we are right) is the start of all conflict and perhaps even wars. 

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Practices for Dark Days

Dear Friends,

I hope your holiday has been decent so far and I especially hope that you have had or will have some down time to rest and restore before the new year.

Starting a new year feels to me like a moment of hope. Things can be different! Even if we have struggled and suffered, felt alone, depressed, or like we have messed things up, we can remember that a new year is right around the corner. 

As mindfulness practitioners, we do try to live in the moment as it is, but we don’t need to get stuck in thinking that things will always be this difficult.  

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Yes there is hope for 2023

Dear Friends,

I hope your holiday has been decent so far and I especially hope that you have had or will have some down time to rest and restore before the new year.

Starting a new year feels to me like a moment of hope. Things can be different! Even if we have struggled and suffered, felt alone, depressed, or like we have messed things up, we can remember that a new year is right around the corner. 

As mindfulness practitioners, we do try to live in the moment as it is, but we don’t need to get stuck in thinking that things will always be this difficult.  

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Adding hugging meditation to our holidays

Dear ones,

During the holidays and as we return from our COVID separation, we may want to also return to the practice of hugging our loved ones. 

Below is an excerpt from my book, Things I did When I Was Hangry: Navigating a Peaceful Relationship with Food, about one of my favorite Plum Village practices – Hugging Meditation. 

I also have a 1-minute video demonstrating this practice. 

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Giving to others without harming ourselves

Dear Friends,

The holiday season exhorts us to be generous and give. What does it mean to practice generosity from a mindfulness perspective? There are so many opportunities to give material and spiritual aid; how do we determine when to give and when not to give? And how do we know when we are being generous?

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This wildly free composting world

Dear Friends,

I have been thoroughly enjoying the fall colors here in Washington DC. It’s amazing to me how the seasons remind us of the impermanence and continual composting of life. Didn’t new leaves just appear after a barren and lonely COVID winter? Was that really six months ago? And even as we savor the orange, red, burgundy, and yellow, the leaves don’t stop changing– getting browner and beginning to pile up on the streets and sidewalks.

It seems that only this one breath, this one moment, is where we can briefly find rest and stability, and where we have the capacity to notice beauty and joy.

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My challenge with my gratitude practice

Dear Friends,

I’ve been a fan of gratitude lists and the practice of gratitude for a while. There are so many benefits of gratitude which you can read about from Web MD here or Plum Village here .

I recently realized that one of the places I am challenged is in feeling and expressing gratitude for other humans. I can easily feel gratitude for my safe warm home, my two cuddly dogs, or the beautiful zinnias blooming in my yard. And I can even find gratitude for folks who are distant from me or passed away, like my grandma or Thich Nhat Hanh.

More challenging is to feel gratitude for the people who I see or talk to on a regular basis. The people I take for granted. In fact, I can feel annoyed by people because they aren’t living up to my expectations, often noticing what they don’t do instead of what they do.

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